I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
