Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
