we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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