im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
