she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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