just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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