I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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