In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you would pick up someone in the library
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
