who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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