He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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