Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
