You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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