Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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