Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
