Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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