I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Randomize
