I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
