I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
