In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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