drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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