Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
we're making bets on your personal life
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The adults are the big ones right?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
