I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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