your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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