i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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