his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
