Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
