Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize