I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
