you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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