i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
