Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I am available for nakedness
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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