I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
