dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
