that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
