dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize