I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
