I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
