Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
