My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
