How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
