I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
