A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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