Swine flu. Run for my life!
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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