Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
