remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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