Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You left your phone here
Wait...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
