the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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