FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
