Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
