Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
