He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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