just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This is my gift to your gina
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
