You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
