Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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