I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
