after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
