I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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