stop calling my apartment porn island.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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