Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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