I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
