So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
