i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
