We're facebook friends in real life
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
