just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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