Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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