i just google imaged poop.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
