she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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