So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
