i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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