I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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